The three week period between the two fasts of the 17th of Tamuz and the 9th of Av is referred to as בין המצרים (between the points of sorrow). These weeks commemorate the suffering and tragedy of the sacking of Jerusalem, the death of its inhabitants, and ultimately the calamity of the destruction of the Holy Temple. Accordingly, as these are somber weeks of grief, some practices of mourning have become customary to properly mark this period.
Interestingly, many people treat these customs with significant gravity and Rabbis frequently are heard to remark that they receive more questions about these customs than they do about matters that are markedly more severe. We will not attempt to analyze here the sociological or spiritual factors that are associated with this peculiarity; rather we optimistically accept it as a reflection of the deeply rooted connection of the Jews to Eretz Yizrael and the Holy Temple.
To my mind, the simplest manner to present these laws is by noting that they are in the form of a staged progression. Beginning with the 17th of Tamuz, there are 4 stages of ever intensifying mourning practices. As we advance towards Tishah BiAv and the memory of the catastrophic events of that day, each stage marks an aggregated augmentation of the mourning practices. The stages are:
1) from the 17th of Tamuz until Rosh Chodesh Av
2) from Rosh Chodesh Av until the week within which Tishah BiAv falls
3) the week within which Tishah BiAv falls
4) Tishah BiAv
Most of the limitations cease with the conclusion of Tishah BiAv, however some laws do extend into the 10th of Av because the Temple continued to burn throughout the 10th of Av.
The nature of the mourning practices begins with items that are less personal, and constrict by stages towards items that are more necessary and personal. Possibly, you can think of the application of these mourning practices as ever shrinking concentric circles. Picture yourself as the center circle. The outermost circle represents the first stage of mourning, the second circle represents the second stage of mourning, and so on. The mourning practices of the outermost circle are the least personal and the most removed from the person. As the circles tighten, the practices close in on the person affecting ever more basic and personal activities.
Here we shall BE”H examine the laws pertaining to Stage 1. Presented here are the general outlines of the laws. For each of these laws there are details that will not be enumerated. If you have questions, please ask the Rabbi.
Stage 1: Starting on the 17th of Tamuz
1) One may not listen to music, live or recorded.
- Singing is permitted.
2) One does not recite the Shehechiyanu blessing upon a new garment or fruit.
- For occasions associated with a Mitzvah, such as Birit Milah or Pidyon HaBen, one recites the Shehechiyanu blessing.
- On Shabbatot, one may recite Shehechiyanu upon a new fruit or garment.
There is a separate category of laws that apply during the Three Weeks which are not directly associated to the mourning element of this period, but rather are a function of the generally negative spiritual nature of this time of the year.
- If one resorts to corporal punishment for children or students, one should refrain from such during the Three Weeks.
- One should not schedule non-critical medical operations during these weeks.
- Starting from Rosh Chodesh until at least after Tisha BiAv, one should avoid legal proceedings with non-Jews
Stage 2: From Rosh Chodesh Av until the week within which Tishah BiAv falls
1) Sephardim may not schedule weddings from Rosh Chodesh. Ashkenazim do not schedule weddings from the 17th of Tamuz. [It should be noted that in Chicago, to my knowledge, Sephardim generally do not schedule weddings already from the 17th of Tamuz.]
2) One does not eat meat, including chicken, excluding Rosh Chodesh itself and Shabat Chazon (the Shabat before Tishah BiAv)
- For a Seudat Mitzvah (meal associated with a Mitzvah), such as Birit Mila, one may eat meat
3) One does not purchase large ticket items beginning Rosh Chodesh, unless they are available at a temporary great discount
4) One may not paint or remodel their home starting on Rosh Chodesh
5) In general, one should reduce activities of pleasure from Rosh Chodesh
Stage 3: The week within which Tishah BiAv falls
1) One may not cut ones hair or shave, but one may cut their nails
2) One may not launder clothes, either oneself or by proxy, including non-Jews.
- One may launder the clothes of children who have the tendency to dirty their clothes more rapidly than adults. This may be done only as needed.
- One may polish shoes and iron clothes that are no longer freshly laundered.
3) One may not wear freshly laundered clothing
- This does not apply to little children who quickly dirty their clothes
- This does not include undergarments, especially in hot and humid climates
- One should “prepare” garments to be worn during the week within which Tishah BiAv falls by wearing them prior to the unset of the week.
- This may be done on Shabat Chazon as well, as long as it is not obvious that the person is “preparing” the garments. Thus, if one wears different clothes in the morning than he wore at night, and then again in the afternoon after a nap, the preparatory action is not evident.
4) Bathing in hot water is forbidden
- One may shower in warm/cool water
- One may swim in a pool or lake/ocean.